Life Source Coaching
 
It's July. Any it's hot outside. In some parts of the country, you can cook an egg on the pavement...What's happening in your relationship? Are you asking for what you want? So many of my clients and friends express to me that there's this little desire they have... but resistance so often tangos away with the request, that they learn to say no to their own wants before they even open their mouths!

So here's the challenge this month:
Write down a list of your wants, your cravings, your needs, your inner callings. Maybe it's an iced tea, but for most of us, the ones that are harder to even admit to ourselves include a soft gentle kiss, a massage from our partner, a date night (without the kids), or maybe even passionate connected sex! So jot them down and don't tuck the list away in a drawer... tape it to the mirror and exercise your asking muscle. July might turn out to be hotter than you imagined. Don't let San Francisco fog roll over your inner heat. Let it out. Ask for what you want. A "YES" is right around the corner....
 
 
Orgasm Is ... coming to San Francisco. Check out the new pop up shop in union Square. Come in and re-define what your Orgasm is. Drop a comment or an email and share your answer. Orgasm Is.......
 
 
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    How many times in your life have you surrendered control? How many times in a year? In a day? I spend as least 15 minutes a day surrendering to my body. Letting her (my orgasm) go where she needs to go. Letting her feel what she wants to, every stroke, subtlety, rising and falling, gentle release, love, connection, sweet tears. I have a daily practice of Orgasmic Meditation (OM). That's right. I said Orgasm, Twice. Read on.

    I have come to the realization lately that this is very hard for people to talk about, or at times even think about. We all do it, some more than others and very few of us talk about it. Until now. NY Times bestselling author, Timothy Ferriss mentions the 15-mintue orgasm in his new book, The 4-Hour Body. CNN explores a possible female sexuality disorder. Yet we are still afraid to talk about the taboo. Some of us even afraid to discuss this with our own partners and families. What's at stake here? Humiliation? Embarrassment? Shame? Or maybe, just maybe we are avoiding this oppourtunity to connect with each other and forfeiting the posibility of surrender, connection to our partners, better orgasm, a greater awareness of our own bodies, and most of all pleasure.
   
    This came to my attention at a women's group with my mom this week. We were sitting around making art with lots of other women, most in their late thirties to mid fourties. Most with children, and partners. Somehow my mom started talking about a therapist she had in her twenties who asked her, had she ever learned how to surrender control?

    "No." she said to him, and to us in the room, "I can't say that I had. So that night at a party in Berkeley, I was doing kegels, you know squeezing my Pubococcygeus Muscle while sitting on the kitchen counter while talking to two hansome men, I started to have an Orgasm right there, fully clothed!" The women in the room erruped into furious laughter. I think they must have been simeltanueosly turned on, and in dissbelief that this silly woman (the oldest in the room at 66) would have this experience and share the tale. Undoubtedly, some of them must have been calculating my embarass-meter. I wasn't embarased. I actually felt a numbness in my chest, realizing that my mom's tale was the closest many of them had been to surrender, or their own sexual identity in a long time. My mom ended with something like, "How often do you surrender control?" I sat for a while as the laughter died down, waiting for someone to be uncomfortable and to change the subject.
   
    Nobody did. "I can't stop thinking about it," said one woman. "Really I'm just not sure when I last surrendered control." Here we were, ping-ponging the subject of sex, desire, surrender and relationship, without anyone other than my mother actually having the courage to speak up.

    Someone finally pointed to me and said, "Wow! I bet she's embarassed."

    "I'm a sex and relationship coach," I piped in.  "I love talking to people about this kind of stuff. Coaching offers people a way to have more of what they want in their lives. Life Coaches believe that people don't need fixing, but they may need help to know the parts of themselves that most want to bring out and honor having their lives the way they want them and getting their desires met." The room fell silent.

    Admittedly I may have overshared. But I wanted these women who were clearly turned on and curious about my mom's adventures in surrender that more is available. I wanted them to know that I can be a strong, ignighted woman who is not afraid to speak up about, or to hear her mom speak up about sex, turn-on, and surrender.

    We may have a long way to go before having chats about our desire in Starbucks, or practicing Orgasmic Meditation on a daily basis with our partners. If you're curious, somewhere in the back of your brain you're wondering how this woman, and many other women across the country are learning to embrace a daily practice of surrender, start with a surrender to your own desire. Ask for the foot rub you've been wanting. Take a hot bath. Meditate. Take a walk. Surrender to what it is that your body wants. Try it. See how it feels to let your body ask for what it needs and say "Yes."

   

 
 
It's  a fact that Valentines day can be an overuse of commercialism and reason to spend too much money on roses that wilt and chocolates that disappear. As a woman I find myself longing for the soppy nostalgia, but it's not the roses that I miss, it's the gesture, and for me it's tradition. Every year my family and I repeated our same silly traditions because we love the way it makes us feel. Connectedness. Isn't that what it means to be human?

I'm in relationship with a man who admittedly kills romance with sarcasm. He hates commercial holidays too. And here I am: relationship and sexuality coach, without Valentine's Day? I think not! "Let's create our own valentine's day," I suggested to Sean while snuggling in bed on February 14th.

So we did. We settled on a James Cameron Movie Marathon. An incredible director who brings together  larger than life stories with action, adventure and beautiful film making with yup you guessed it, compelling tales of LOVE. So we ordered our favorite artichoke pizza, and settled in for Avatar and Titanic. Followed by that's right, an Orgasmic encore.

In my world havingness is about asking for what you want and learning how to make it work for both of us. Now we have a beautiful tradition that is ours. As a woman I am satisfied with what is important to be connection and a celebration of our love.

What kind of tradition will you create?
 
 
Life Source offers connection between the Heart mind and body helping women and men ignite their sexuality.